Women – Not Sexual Objects

Today at the gym I saw a man in a ganji, but I did not feel like ripping off the gangi nor did I have any sexual feelings towards him. He just passed by me we looked at each other gave a smile and that was it.

Then why when a woman wears a ganji, she is supposed to be inviting men on her, she is getting bad thoughts in the man’s mind, she is creating the man to come and touch her, molest her, grab her, and in fact she is the one who is forcing the man to rape her.

Today we all have read about and even seen the video of the girl in Guwahati, who was stripped by a mob of men when getting out of the pub at night. There are continuous tweets on what India we live in, how all are ashamed.

Adding to all this drama Kiran Bedi was on CNN IBN where she quoted “pubs attract hooliganism & violence just as holy places attract peace & devotion.  In addition she talked about no’s of pubs that have increased in india, and how woman should not go out at night and how they should be fully clad always.

But Kiranji forgot about the justice to that girl who has assaulted by a group of 30 men who are still not behind bars. Why we don’t talk about our men, their character, their thinking, and their actions. Why don’t we blame that man’s parent for not imparting proper culture in him that he is treating a woman like a sexual object?

If I have a bottle in my hand, wear a short skirt at 12.00 midnight, I am not a slut waiting for someone to pick me up; I am a normal girl, having fun just like any of my other guy friends. Why should I be different, why does my enjoyment need to be curtailed, just because I have a vagina instead of a penis.

I don’t want parents to live in fear just because they have a daughter I want them to be proud, happy, and comfortable with their daughters clothing and occasional parting. And I wish boys are taught to respect woman, treat them equally and fairly.

Next time when you take a boy to a goddess temple explain to him the meaning of that goddess, explain the strength of that goddess, what she stands for, when that boy stands in front of that goddess and joins his hands make him swear that woman should not be humiliated, they should always we treated with dignity.

If god had given the power of giving birth to a woman then surely god must have given the power of destruction to women too, don’t force her to use it.

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Bhichya to Sindoor

A year back, on the next day of my marriage I was told to dress up and be in the waranda for the “Mu Dekiyi cermony” I did not know much about this function, but had just decided to go along as I was told. So here I was with a saree, blouse, lots of accessories, struggling lucky for me there was a young married maid in the house who was excited for me, and she saw me with my 9 yards of cloth and released I did not know what I was doing and came to help.

After the saree came the first moment in my life I would put Sindoor, I did not know how, I had not seen any one at my house put it either, the maid probably laughed at me and said wait I will just come, and then she came with a small stick, she put one side of the stick into the Sindoor, picked the sindoor with that stick and put it in my mang. She made sure all could see that orange colour on my head as that line of orange Sindoor went till the middle of my head.

Then came the matching bangles to my saree, lots of them nearly 20 in each hand, the gold necklace in my neck including my mangalsutra, my bindi, dark lipstick, payal, and the bhichya.  Ok so I was all ready to be shown off as the bahu of the Kayasth family from Hardoi, Uttar Pradesh.

Thank god for my outgoing and liberal, mother in law she never insisted on any gungat, or any drastic rituals that I would have not appreciate to do.

So here I was married, dressed, if any one sees me from even a kilometer may guess one thing right about me for sure, that yes I am a married lady.

I like being married, but what I don’t appreciate is the fact that I have to keep telling the world through my dressing that I am married, why do I have to do this.

I believe a lot of our traditions are due to circumstances in the past and now they have become a norm that we follow and have ingrained in our day to day life.

Elders say don’t cut nails at night, or you should not broom the house at night, this was because in old ages there was no electricity but now we term these acts as unlucky.

A similar thing is about not buying baby thing before the child is born or not informing till the 1st trimester is over, earlier child mortality was high. Today even if I become pregnant I will follow this and not inform many people till my trimester is done , not because I don’t want to but because I would be scared it would bring unluck to my unborn child . “ usko nazar lag jayagi”.

The days when I do dress up as a married woman the no of things that needs to be worn to prove to the world that I am married our 1) Bhichya 2) payal 3) Bangles 4) Rings 3) Mangalsutra 4) Nose Pin 5) Bindi 6) Sindoor. They may be some more, but I can only keep up with these.

I am not complaining I like wearing these things once in a way, not to prove that I am married but to add beauty to myself, to have a different look, and when I am in Uttar Pradesh to be accepted.

But are these required, am I less married without these, for me the answer is no. I assume that these signs must have culminated because of certain incidents.

These different signs must have been initiated to differentiate married from unmarried so that men could choose the right girl or respect the married woman or not see her through those eyes of lust but treat her like a sister.

If this is what I am assuming then why should it be different today, why should I not wear all these signs and assume that no man will tease me on the road as I am MARRIED. But this is not true I will be teased even if I wear my mangalsutra.

More than about teasing or seen with lust I want to have an equal relationship with men; if men don’t have to wear anything extra after marriage I don’t feel the need to wear it either. I want to walk around and be seen as a young, smart independent working woman. I don’t want to be tagged Single or married affecting the way people look at me.

I don’t have any problem with customs I just want logic in them and I will follow them, but without logic and just because it may bring me bad or good luck I will not abide by it.

My husband is there around and by me and I am by him to support in good and bad times so that’s the most important part.

This is my opinion but yet today when I am packing my bags to go to Hardoi I ensure all the 6 signs are there with me in my handbag, as I reach the lucknow aiport my purse opens and comes out my  Bhichya’s…….